Saturday, September 1, 2012

Ladies Who Lunch

Getting to go to the TJ Maxx with Heather and I is kind of like hoping to win the lottery. You really want to, you think it would be super fun and everyone would be totally jealous if it came true! (Just play along). Here are 13 reasons why a day off with us is the most fun anyone could actually ever have.

1. Heather wears her pirate skull scarf AND locates Nelly's Apple Bottom Parfum in about 5 nanoseconds after entering the store. Good thing they have this brand on lock-down.

Double up on Ed Hardy Deodorant anti-stank solids for her two husbands (SJM and David always get matching personal hygiene items. Natch.

I dangled this sandalwood soap-onna-rope above her head so as to mesmerize her and to hypnotize her into buying me lunch. I was hungry for pho soup and it was only 9:35am. "You will get verrrrry generous....."

This forest scented soap had something addictive added to it because it kinda turned my friend into a fiend. "SNNNNOOOORRRTTT. Oh let's look at dresses. Snnnnnoooort."

 I can only keep one eye fully open as I breathe it in....feels so good. But I'm kinda gettin' 'leepy.

This should fit. It is hanging in the 14-16 part of the rounder rack. But it says size 2. Well, *where* it is hanging supersedes any dumb ol' size tag sewn in the garment, right? Goody!

 These are vegan?! 

Hip Hip Hooray. Ho. Hey. Ho. 

Heather struggles here to reconcile her love for the old south labels and Civil War  pickled egg treats with how gross the picked eggs must surely taste. I said I would eat them. I love pickled food. She said that they would only be a click above eating them out of a bar jar where some TB-encrusted trucker arm had been fishing around for pickled eggs about a million times. Sure, I replied, these would be more sanitary. No one bought them. I was sorely tempted however we realized it was 5 min to 11 and we needed to meet another pal for lunch. No eggs for me.

Melissa and Heather did not know I was taking this photo at the time. But they will know after they read this blog post. I am not drinking anything until I get my avacado boba tea! (see below)

A delicious vietnamese treat! Avacado boba tea with tapiocas!

Shrimp Pho. Insanely good. 

Before we left the restaurant, I treated Heather to an arm (gel pen) tattoo! It is of a "suicide tooth" - we made a pact at lunch that before we got left at a county nursing home when we are 100 years old we would craft a suicide tooth to sneak in and chomp as they wheel us through the door. Kind of like the astronaut's cyanide capsules. This tattoo is about 5 inches high. After lunch, she had to go to the vets office. So that was probably awesome for them to see. I told her I can draw it again if she ever wants it on there permanently. (Who wouldn't, right?)


  1. BEST. POST. EVER. We ARE the most fun. Also - when did a patch of Louie CK's gingertastic skin get grafted into my arm. Also - I was NOT wearing any make-up which is why I looks so gross yet approachable.

    1. I'm glad you loved it and you are gorgeous because I said so. Our friend jason in LA wants a suicide tooth too. I approved it. We will make three.

      PS all of your makeups melted off after I hypnotized you in the soap aisle. Blame me.